Fowl one-shots
by Marlo Chewy
Summary: Artemis and Holly stuff, mostly. Expect each chapter to be a new short story.
1. Chapter 1

"Okay, do you hear anything?" Artemis asked Holly in an urgent hush.

"No. But I seriously doubt we simply outran Opal Koboi."

"Fair point. However, if she does return, with my intellect and your soldier's thinking, we were able to fashion these quick stun grenades together with the things I found on this underground island and various items off your belt."

"Geez, Artemis, narrating it for the adoring public? Shut up Mud Boy. Seriously."

Although she sounded angry, in all honesty, she was nervous and it calmed her down to yell at the Mud Boy. Frustrated maybe, but angry? Never at her best friend.

A somewhat awkward silence passed. Since their return from the time stream, Holly and Artemis were finding it a little harder to talk to each other than usual. Holly tried to ignore it and concentrate on the task at hand. Listen for Opal's shuttle, and try to find a way to get back to Police Plaza.

"D'arvit!" Artemis swore, borrowing a word from the fairy vocabulary. Holly's head whipped around, and her eyes met one of the most intimidating shuttles she had ever seen.

A screen opened up from the shuttle, and a female pixie face filled it. Although pixies are generally seen as harmless, what with little magical potential and their childlike faces, this one was lastly seen as _harmless_. A deep stare into her cold, sapphire eyes told you all you needed to know. This was the kind of chick that would set the world on fire just to watch it burn, and chase around her "enemies" with blasters for no reason. No major plot in detail, just to be "cheered up" by the picture of her adversaries dying a slow, painful death. And then she would have her henchmen videotape it, so when she needed a pick me up she could re-watch it. Anyway, she laughed maniacally and began to mock-solemnly tell Artemis and Holly her sob story, and the reason for why she was chasing them through the terminals at the dead of night. They honestly didn't hear much, for they were too busy plotting how to safely get out of there. Very much unfortunately, Opal saw through this and realized mid-sentence she had lost their attention.

"Merv! Scant! Open the cannons!" She squealed. A set of foul-looking blasters moved out from the internal of the shuttle. Artemis saw this as the ideal time to work his skills with words. Most would disagree that he should've started talking BEFORE Opal got her weapons all ready, but who was going to argue with the juvenile genius?

"Dear Opal, I always have to wonder at your schemes. What is this, the, seventh time we've met and you've failed?" He mock counted on his fingers.

"Oh, Mud Boy, you haven't seen anything yet." She smiled devilishly.

"Really, Opal? Your plots are juvenile, your timing poor, and execution, frankly, is sloppy."

"Sloppy?! Merv, remind me to kill him slower."

"Noted, Mistress Koboi. Should I go out and fetch him for you now?" A voice called from behind the screen.

"Yes, and be quick about it." She growled.

A plank lowered down from the belly of the vehicle. A pixie with a boyish face sauntered out. He must not have dealt with people who oppose Koboi very often, for his guard was let down easily. Artemis almost laughed at his swagger.

_He wields a buzz baton in left hand, right hand fisted, a stun gun on the right hip, and a dagger down his boot. _Artemis recorded. _Child's play._

Merv strutted toward Artemis with a firm grip on his baton. "Do you want to go easily, or not, Mud Boy?" He taunted.

"Save your breath" Artemis breathed. It was then that Holly began running around the ship, frantically tossing the grenades into the air like a fireworks display. Merv heard the minor explosions, whipped his head around, and assumed the worse.

"The ship is breaking down!" He ran toward the craft, but not before sneaking in a poke from his baton that Artemis was not expecting. He crumpled where he stood, not conscious enough to enjoy the light show.

Holly however, currently had her hands full with the plot. When she ran out of stun grenades, also known as distraction bombs, she scurried into the ship through the rotor workings and descended down into the main room. She noticed the thing she was looking for fairly quickly: A charge that she knew Opal was planning on detonating when she had her and Artemis were sitting still long enough for her to shoot them with a very agonizing poison that would kill them slowly, with enough time for her to tape the whole affair. This charge could also be redirected, if you had the tech and the time to do it. All of her communications back to Foaly were currently fried due to the radiation coming from Opal's shuttle, but she didn't need to know that.

Holly quietly stepped toward the table the charge was sitting on, photo-hologrammed it, grabbed the charge, and scampered off and out of the shuttle, where Opal's face was waiting for her on the big screen.

"Short. You've survived too many times for my personal liking, so I'm going to end that now. And your little pet won't even be awake enough to watch you die. What a shame." She feigned sadness, something that she really had to work on.

"Opal...forgetful Opal. Don't forget to turn your sensors on, or you may have an unexpected visitor." She seemingly held up the charge, but from a certain angle may have been perceived as not exactly a perfect copy.

Opal was confused for a moment, but quickly regained her confidence. "What you don't know is that I re-programmed that myself, and that I have an override, and can detonate it whenever I wish to do so. Even if your donkey friend could hack into it, I would be blowing you to smithereens before he could even whinny."

"I have my doubts. It's been a long time since you've succeeded at anything."

_Doubts?! Even inches from death, Holly had the brass to tease her._ She could stand it no longer, and with an evil curl of the lips, she pressed the red button, and was thrown from her seat.

_Holly moved it?! She's not smart enough for that, it was the Mud Boy. I really must get rid of him._ Those were Opal's last thoughts before the blast proof gel in the walls kicked in and she was temporarily knocked out. However, as contained as the explosion may have been, Holly and Artemis were still standing a little too close to the craft. Unfortunate, but there had been no other way. Holly hit the terminal wall, and blue sparks fizzed out of her fingers. The internal damage was great, though, and the magic tried to shut her down for a full tune-up. The blackness was creeping in around her vision, but she had to find Artemis first in the dark tunnel.

"Artemis. Don't leave me." She called softly, before spotting his motionless form a little way off from the shuttle. She ambled over as fast as she could, and she collapsed on his chest, the blue sparks playing between her body and his before she shut her eyes.

When she came to, she was lying down next to Artemis, still immobile, on the floor of Foaly's operations booth. _Why would they want to bring me here? _She presumed the situation was picked up by a LEPretrieval team in the terminal, but why here? Why not a hospital, or Police Plaza, with everything set up to wipe Artemis' mind? She didn't get to think for very long, for Foaly's face soon filled her sight.

"Holly! You're alright! A team of medical warlocks wanted you to stay in their facilities, but I said that I wanted to keep an eye on you, I haven't seen my friend since the time stream, and...yeah. Glad you're okay." He broke off casually, trying to hide his blush.

Holly sat up and groaned. Still sore. "Wow, the great centaur actually has feelings for people? I had no idea." She playfully sneered. "I sure am honored that you wanted to 'keep an eye on' your friend."

"Hey now, don't give me that sass. You're lucky it's me you're waking up to, and not the warlocks. You'd be getting a lot more questioning from them then from me."

"Questioning?! What for? We got Opal, why would I be questioned?"

"Yeah, questioning. From me you'll just get mocking. If you would've seen the state we found you and Arty in." He used Artemis' embarrassing nickname only when the boy wouldn't hear. "Really, Holly? I didn't think you would be the one to collapse dramatically and pass out next to the boy. You looked awful comfortable there in his arms." He sniggered and reared back, and he was lucky too, for if he hadn't he probably would have a bruise where Holly had meant to slap him.

"Shut up, pony boy. We both needed healing, and it worked, didn't it?"

"Yeah it worked. All vitals seem to be normal." He said, switching to a serious tone for fear of more damage to come his way. "Anyway, I had better go and let the secretaries know you're fine so they can relay back to Plaza. And with that, he clopped off, leaving Artemis and Holly alone in the room.

"Arty. Come on Mud Boy." She said while shoving his ribs.

He slowly opened his eyes, and found himself nose to nose with Holly. "Holly. You saved me. Again."

"Of course I did. I couldn't do without you." She smiled gleefully, and because they had succeeded in nabbing Opal, and because she was flushed with healing magic, she leaned down and kissed him, sparks erupting from the contact. Artemis sat up and followed her, refusing to break away, the two of them enjoying the moment and letting it deepen, until they heard a door open and they parted, short of breath.

Foaly stood in the doorway wearing a diabolical grin. "I knew it!" He declared.

Artemis stalked over to him. "You saw nothing." He breathed. He was one of the few that could get any leverage with the centaur, and he knew it.

"Oh gods Foaly, you better not have that on tape."

He winked. "Me? Naw. I can't believe you don't trust me to not betray my friend...and acquaintance." He pouted, and put the tape out on his blog that night.


	2. Chapter 2

At the average height for an Irish teenager, the introverted qualities when in public, and dark mirrored glasses, he didn't look all that extraordinary. But everyone who looked at him this way eventually regretted that thought later in life, one way or another. For this was no ordinary "kid"...this was the boy who looked fifteen, was legally eighteen, and had a vocabulary that made scholars of advanced degrees stumble, no matter their age. This was the boy that had committed his first large-scale crime before he hit middle school. This was the boy with the one eye blue and one eye hazel, who spent his hours clacking away at his supercomputer, in the shadow of his mountain of a bodyguard. This was the one they called Artemis Fowl II.

Many theories swirled around the essence of the one they called Artemis, but not many could be corroborated, or shot down, for that matter, for the boy was rarely seen outside, or without his hulking bodyguard that towered over his body. Some thought insanity. _Maybe._ Dark connections? _Sure, believable. Half true._ In a terrible accident as a small child, giving him his deathly pale glow and 2 different eyes? _Not sure. _Even though these all may seem like perfectly good explanations, the only person who could be completely correct in the gossip about Artemis would be the one who called him out on his underworld connections (in a literal sense), his many travels to the time stream, his inhuman best friend. Not many knew of his lost father, his shady dealings, and sheer, twisted genius. And maybe if something needed to be added, his reckless villainy, before he met his best friend. One stare into his mismatched eyes told you that the juvenile mastermind with the raven black hair was not a path to cross, if one was in one's right mind. He was deathly pale, appeared to be somewhat distracted, but when antagonized, he put people to shame in numbers so vast it frightened a large majority of the population.


	3. Chapter 3

"Artemis. Artemis. Artemis, wake up. Don't give up on me now, Mud Boy. Seriously. C'mon Artemis." Holly egged on his motionless body, her voice meant to come out as sarcastic but really sounding full of despair. She caressed his raven-black hair, seeming even darker than normal in the forest at the dead of night. Foaly and Mayne stood behind her, solemn, not wanting to interrupt her quiet. "Artemis. Don't leave me." Her voice broke, and a few crystalline tears rolled down her cheek. She mentally cursed various deities she didn't believe in for her luck. Of all the times to be low on magic, it had to be now. When her best friend was in dire need for a healing, and all hope seemed to be lost. She turned around and almost screamed at Foaly, "He always has a plan! Where is his hidden ace?" Foaly stepped forward and tried to comfort her verging-on-hysteria.

"Holly...please, let me help." He then proceeded to cradle Artemis' head, open his mouth, and pour a trickle of a foreign substance down his throat. Immediately Artemis sat up and began to cough.

"Foaly! Why in Frond's name did you wait until I was crying to reveal your up-your-sleeve magic?"

"You're welcome, thanks for my acknowledgement. It's a small concentration of my own design, some stolen sprite magic and healing qualities I carry around in case of emergency, in case you were wondering." He said with a smug grin that Holly wanted to shoot off his face.

She tried to shut out his condescending explanation and turned to the matter at hand. "Artemis, are you alright?"

He blinked, his large blue eye and hazel eye shining in the moonlight. "You saved me. Again. You came back for me."

"Of course I did. You're my best friend." She sobbed with joy and jumped on his chest to envelop him in an elfin hug. "Who else could I save the world with?"

"Okay, okay, happy reunion, blah blah blah, can we be done here? Police Plaza still currently thinks we're all dead, and I have a communications desk that misses me, so let us get going." Foaly droned. And because there's only so long the average person will put up with his annoying neigh, they all jumped into the return shuttle, Holly insisting on leading Artemis, for he was still a bit dizzy after his umpteenth time he had cheated death.

"Well, Holly, would you mind catching me up on what exactly happened? It's all a little blurry after the too-close-for-comfort bio bomb."

"But of course." She stated, shooting her best Mud Boy a wink that made him crack a smile.


End file.
